Birth of Harry Potter
by MarauderMischeif
Summary: Things are about to get hectic. Lily's giving birth with the support of James, Peter and Remus try to find comfort in loneliness, and Sirius... well, let's just say it's the same old Sirius.
1. Poor, poor Marauders

**Author's Note:** I'm writing this just for you Elen.  Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything below. If I did, Harry would be named Charlie. Charlie Potter... It's a cool name.

**_Chapter One_**

  
"Scared?"

"Sort of." Lily smiled nervously, feeling her hand twitch. James grabbed in slowly, his thick skin rubbing against her own. For a moment, she forgot she was lying in a tasteless, paper dress on a very uncomfortable bed. No, right now, she was lying on a sandy beach far, far away from St. Mungo's, feeling the crisp water wash over her feet. The sun sank on the horizon, drowning calmly into the sea... illuminating the back of James' dark black hair, and the rims of his glasses. Today, she would just relax...

"Lily?"

Her mind came bounding back into her head. "What?"

James smiled, squeezing her hand lightly. He sat on the hospital bed beside her, dressed sloppily. They hadn't been here long; Lily's water broke only two hours ago. Now was the very impatient wait for the baby to arrive. "We still don't know what we're naming it."

Lily chuckled softly. "Just because we don't know it's sex doesn't mean we have to call him or her an 'it'."

James sighed. "Well, constantly saying 'him or her' gets tiring. They could of told us the gender before.. why didn't you let them?" 

"Because," she said, poking his nose playfully with a finger, "then it wouldn't be a surprise."

"It would have been a surprise four months ago too. This is just a waiting game, isn't it?"

"Yes dear," said Lily. A small breeze ruffled her messy, pinned-up hair. "Can you close the window, honey?"

James nodded, letting her hand fall soundlessly onto the mattress. As he walked over to the window, Lily leaned over, peering closely. James stopped with his hands on the window sill and turned around.

"Are you checking me out?" he asked slyly. Lily shook her head like a little girl.

"Liar," James said, sliding the window shut. He leaned against the warm panes, letting the hot July sun warm his back. Lily giggled, but cut off quickly. A sharp kick pounded her stomach- the small baby inside was impatient.

James came over, sitting again on the bed, placing a hand on her rounded belly. "Shh," he hushed, putting a finger to his lips. "That's rude," he whispered. "We don't kick mommy."

Lily grinned. "But we kick daddy. Don't we?"

"That's ri-" James' eyes narrowed. "Hey.." 

The two were silent for a few minutes, appreciating the little time they had left as a recently married couple, and the time they had left until the arrival of a newborn child.

"..How different is this going to be? How much will our lives change?" James asked suddenly, eyeing Lily's belly.

Lily smiled faintly. "Lots of things change.. Lot's of them don't. But the fact that I love you.. that will always stay the same." She gripped James' hand, soft fingers entwined around his own. He smiled back, his eyes behind those wire-rimmed glasses shining in the only way Lily could make them. She knew without asking he felt the same for her.

At that moment, the door opened with a small creak. Remus and Peter peeked in through a small crack, looking at the two. "Can we come in now?" asked Remus, eyeing the two.

James nodded, glad his friends were here. Then he spotted a small problem. "Where's Sirius?"

The other Marauder burst in through the door at the mention of his name. "Guys!" he cried. "Guess what, guess what!"

James looked thoughtfully at the wall. "Hmm, I don't know… the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?"

"No," said Sirius flatly. He held up a small note of paper, beaming. "I got a date," he said coolly. His face fell quickly. "I just wish I knew how to use those telefoos.."

"_Telephone," _ Remus corrected. Sirius shrugged.

"Anyways. I figured after this, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over to her place, and try to.. woo her."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1980's when that phrase was last used."

Sirius struck out his tongue. "Aren't you the sarcastic bunch today. I just hope that poor kid of yours doesn't have the same mind."

"As long as you don't get to it," said Peter, "it'll be just fine." He paused a moment. "It?" he asked himself. "How about him? Or her?"

"Because we don't know the sex yet, Peter." James scowled as Sirius started to chuckle. "What did I say? Sex?"

Sirius began to laugh harder.

James sighed. "Oh come on, Sirius, you're probably going to have _s-e-x_ the second you meet this girl."

He stopped. _"True. _But still, you don't understand!" Sirius cried. "She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat bald men."

Peter groaned. "I'd be glad to take one of them out of your subconscious, Sirius. Really, I don't know how you do it. I'm so bad at even looking at girls.." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I have to get a snake."

Remus frowned. "Uh huh. Why is that?"

"If I'm going to be an old, lonely man," started Peter, "I'm going to need a thing, you know, a hook, kind of like that guy on the muggle subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, you know? Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. When kids pass my place, they'll run. 'Run away from Crazy Snake Man!' they'll shout."

Remus, Sirius and James took an uneasy step away from Peter.

"You know what?" said Peter to Remus. "We're, single, but not sad. And we're just not seventeen anymore. You know? We're older, but so what if we only want to spend our time sitting in a comfortable chair and going to bed at a reasonable hour?"

"True," said Remus. "So what if I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends?"

"Yeah!" said James. "So what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G and take a bath?"

Sirius frowned. "We're twenty-five, James, we're not women."

"My point is," Peter interjected, "that we'll get to grow old and lonely, but we won't really be lonely, because we will all have each other."

James blinked. "What are you on about, Peter?"

"Never mind," Peter sighed.

For several minutes, they were silent… until…

The heart monitor by Lily began to beep faster as she groaned in pain, clutching her swelled stomach. She grabbed James by the tie, pulling him towards her. He choked and yanked on his collar. "Get me the bloody Healers," she hissed.

"I'm going to need you to let go of the tie, Lils."

Lily released him, falling back onto the mountain of pillows.

James jumped excitedly, heading for the door. _"I'm having a baby!"_ he yelled, punching the air with a fist as he left the room, calling for a Healer and cheering at the same time.

Peter peered out the door after him. "…James does know that the Healers' office is the _other_ way, right?"

"Apparently not." Sirius chuckled. "If you get the Healers, Remus, I'll go grab us some coffee."

"Oka-"

_"GET ME A BLOODY HEALER!"_


	2. Things get hecticer

**Author's Note:** I got reviews! Yaw! - I luff you lot. Heh. Anyways, as you have asked, here is chapter deux. Poor, poor Lily… And James… Remus… and more so Sirius… and not so much Peter, because he likes corners, far away from trouble. Hah.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any people, places, things, or hideous actions below. Nope, just ask J. K. Rowling. If you can ever get past her mountains of fan mail… ;-; tear

**_Chapter Two_**

  
"Ha.. Lily dear… you're crushing my hand…"

"Am I? Well, I guess you'll just have to bear it a little longer." Lily groaned in pain. "Where are those Healers?"

James bit his lip, eyeing his hand. It was slowly turning a deep shade of purple, and swelling. His eyes began to water. "Lily, you're not even giving birth yet-"

"Get me a Healer, then we'll talk," she growled.

Meanwhile, Sirius sat by the wall opposite of the bed, lounging on a wooden chair and examining his fingernails. A few feet away, Peter sat huddled in a corner, watching Lily with a fearful eye, as though a hideous beast was about to spring from her-

"Sirius, where the hell did Remus go? And why aren't you freeing my hand from Lily's death defying- and, er, beautiful- _grip!_"

"Yeah, you wish you had my grip, pansy," Lily mumbled.

"One," said Sirius, "Remus went to get Healers and probably got held up by the tea shop downstairs on the way. Two, I'm sorry mate, but I know that grip. There's no escape; trust me."

James sighed, looking sadly at his purple hand. "I guess we'll have to ampateet it."

"You mean amputate?"

"Remus!" James raised his hand to wave, but quickly forgot who held it. He yelped as a cold rush of blood flushed through his wrist. "What took you?"

Remus smiled nervously. "Yeah, about that… They're not coming."

Lily sat upright. "Why the hell not?"

"Lily, please calm d-"

"I can squeeze harder, Potter."

"Yes ma'am."

"Well," Remus said, "apparently, someone downstairs managed to turn into part cactus, part garbage can, and part bird, which requires quite a few Healers to fix."

James froze, his eyes reflecting madness. "You know how to do it, Moony."

Remus's eyes widened as he stepped towards the door. "Oh no, James. I mean, I wish I could, but- I don't want to."

"What are you complaining about, Remus?" asked Sirius, looking up. "To enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any."

Lily groaned again. "Someone just do it or I'll wrench the bloody child out myself."

James nodded. "I don't doubt you will."

As the baby kicked again inside her, Lily's leg gave an involuntary jerk, hitting the small table by the end of the bed. A sharp knife hurtled through the air, towards-

Sirius ducked, the blade hitting the wall a foot above him. He gave a nervous laugh. "Hah. That was close." He yelped as a bronze picture frame fell from the wall and collided with his head.

Lily grabbed James' hand harder and pulled him close. "If you want your baby by the end of today, you will _get a Healer!"_

"Er… I tried to find one, only to find my hand glued to yours. If you let me go, I'll get one."

Slowly, Lily's hand loosened. James pulled his free and headed towards the door. "Oh… You'll need something to hold on to while I'm gone, Lily…" In one quick movement, James grabbed Remus by the wrist and stuck his hand to Lily's.

"James!" Remus tried to pull free, but Lily already had a firm hold over him. "James, get back- _AH!_"

Peter chuckled, making the first sound in a while. "And you thought you would be useless today, Moony."

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James sprinted down the hall, looking from room to room. All the Healers appeared to be busy; attending growing boils the size of pots, attempting to shrink a tongue slinking towards the open door, or trying to keep a young girl from flying out the window with wings that replaced her arms. No one seemed prepared to deliver a baby.

He could picture what would happen if he didn't reach a Healer. His baby would come out with arms sprouting from its' head, and four eyes placed in random spots around its' face.

And it would act exactly like Sirius.

He sprinted faster, desperately searching for someone, anyone-

His shoelace caught on a cracked tile. James fell forward, his face hitting the floor with incredible impact. He heard his glasses shatter, and warm blood drip from his nose.

"Are you okay?"

James rolled over, clutching his nose. An attractive Healer stood by his feet- god forbid him from telling Lily about her- clutching a small purse; she wore no Healer garment, only the shiny 'Healer: Rank 3' over her jean jacket. Roan curls fell to her shoulders.

**Flashback**

"James... are you staring at that girl?"

"No Lils…"

"…You're staring at her ass! I saw that!"

"…Huh?"

SLAP

**Flash-forward**

_I will never stare at a woman's arse again._

…

Maybe just once more. Technically, I'm not even a father.

"Did you hear me?"

James jumped to his feet, ignoring the sudden dizziness. "Oh- oh, yeah, I'm great. How're you?"

She smiled, lifting his chin with a finger and examining his nose.

"Wha... What're you doing?"

"Checking to see if it's broken."

"Right… My wife's having a baby, you know."

"Really? How's she holding up?"

"Err… she's ripping off the hands of my friends and has no Healer."

The woman froze. "Is that what you were looking for? A Healer?"

James recoiled. "How did you know I was looking for one?"

"Because you were yelling, 'Is anyone here a Healer?'"

"Oh yeah…"

She ducked, grabbing his glasses. With a tap of her long, mahogany wand, the glass shards slid neatly back into place, as though it had never broken. She fitted them on his nose, walked back down the hall and gestured for him to follow.

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Don't worry, my few fanses. She will give birth. Oh yes, she will give birth.  
And DIE TRYING!  
I'm just pokin' yeh. But anyways, hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned for… Le BABEH!  
P.S. Sorry if I scared you.


End file.
